she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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