I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
