I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
