Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize