i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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