I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
