Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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