He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
