This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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