I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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