Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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