Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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