so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
