I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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