Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
