oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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