Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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