and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
