I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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