I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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