don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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