I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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