i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
