He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
