but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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