last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
