I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
