why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
