DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
