It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
