Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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