I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
