CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
