Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
