that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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