For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
