Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
