my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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