she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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