Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
