out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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