i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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