i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
