do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this just has baby written all over it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
