I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is wine microwaveable?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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