careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
