Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
