dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
