i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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