Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
