Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
