lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
