y did u give ur computer a hand job?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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