He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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