We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize