Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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