Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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