his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
