booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
