He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The air was thick with penises
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
