there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
