im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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