I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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