There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
