I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Say something about gay babies.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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